I Never Set Out To Be a Nag.
When I thought about being married and living happily ever after, I never really understood all the things that would come with that or what that really meant. I eventually came to understand that my husband and I had some different ideas when it came to the business of living. There is so much you learn when you live with someone and merge your lives together. Then throw in animals and little humans and the chaos of living. In the greater moments of stress you also find out the strengths, the habits, and the shortcomings of each other. When there is more things that need to be done versus time in the day to do it. Who steps up in what areas and takes it on and who doesn’t.
I still remember the first time I was accused of being a nag. “Stop nagging me! I’ll get it done! Your nagging me only makes me NOT want to do it even more.”
Ahhh…the quandary….standing there…felt like in one way that I had just been stabbed. What?!! Did he just accuse me of being a nagging wife?!!! There are some things that I relish in not being within my relationship. I would not like to be accused of being a BI*ch because I never want to approach my partner that way. I would not like being called prude because I like to have fun as much as the next person. I would not want to be considered cold or not wanting to have sex with husband on a regular basis. It happens to be something I enjoy and want as a part of my life too. I would not want to be considered to not be doing my part in the relationship when it comes to chores or making money. And I certainly would NOT want to be considered a “NAG.” I believe in communication and working out who is responsible for what.
I stepped back and took stock. Was this really true? At what point had this happened? Or is he still just trying to get out of changing the *%$^&*&^ light bulb that was too high for me to reach? Was he just being clever and turning things around on me?
And if I am a nag, what is the solution? Am I just supposed to be okay with his to do list not getting done for 3 months, 6 months, maybe even a year from now? Do I just resolve to find a way to get it done myself if these things are so much more important to me than to him? Do I just add more to my side of things or just find a way to be at peace about it? Or maybe just pretend to be in peace and secretly brew in silence?
I guess it comes down to the chicken or the egg…is this my problem or his? In the end I guess it’s both.