Imps of Misery?
Last June, my husband, and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary. Although we’ve been married 12 years, we dated through college and one year after. Up until the summer of 2014, we had decided that kids were never in the plan. Of course we went back and forth for a couple of years on whether or not we’d regret it if it never happened, but that trip to Vegas, last minute trip to Wilmington for the weekend, crying kids behind me in the freakin’ slowest line at Walmart, having money, or sleeping past 6:30 always brought us back around to the reality of not wanting “imps of misery.” This is a term I so dearly coined with a coworker of mine several years ago and thought it fit me to a tee! However, God decided to show his sense of humor and we had twin girls the following year. (although we didn’t think his sense of humor was THAT funny when we saw our first ultrasound)!
Kinda like those women who like to read smut books (although I’m guilty of enjoying the 50 Shades series on more than one occasion), my guilty pleasure on Facebook is to read those articles that are titled something like “17 Hints to a Long Life: From 100 Year Old Granny Cakes.” So to follow suit, I’ve listed the 7 things I’ve learned or become more aware of since our girls were born.
Tom Cruise should take a flying leap off the top floor of the Scientology hotel, not just Oprah’s couch.
Remember in 2005 when Tom Cruise criticized Brooke Shields for her handling of postpartum depression? Yeah…you’re a dick. I watched the HBO documentary on Scientology. W…T….H….it looked like something out of “The Hunger Games.” Anyways, I feel for Brooke Shields and the millions of other women who have or who are going through postpartum. I was flagged for PPD after our two week appointment with the girls. I knew I would be. Thankfully, I had no urge to hurt the girls, but felt that there was no light at the end of the tunnel, the swelling in my feet and hands were NEVER going to go down, why don’t my regular clothes fit yet (are they ever going to fit again), how and does my husband still find me attractive, and there’s no way I can do this, especially with two. Although I still have my days, I can’t imagine my life without them. Thanks to my neighbor reminding me it’s not always postpartum, it’s normal for most moms to want break down and cry when you’re by yourself all weekend and can’t figure out why they’re fussing ALL FREAKING DAY LONG. To those out there who are going through this, it gets better month by month, and if you need medication to help..dammit take it. No judgement zone here.
NC Ranks at the Bottom for Teacher Pay
How embarrassing NC! Our girls are in daycare and have been there since they were 11 weeks old. I don’t know how in the world people can work in a daycare especially with newborns, or if given the option, how some are stay-at-home moms (PS- I’m not knocking stay-at-home moms, it’s just not for me). Being a teacher is truly a calling only certain people have and they are blessed with the patience of a saint. We are very fortunate to have a great teacher who is with the girls M-F from 7-5 most days. After the shock wears off that I don’t stay home with them and that it cost more than our mortgage payment to have them in daycare, the third question we get is “Do they have cameras so you can check on them, I don’t know how you trust the people who watch them during the day!” First of all, turn off the helicopter blades and calm down. Either I’m too laid back or too trusting, but the teacher in their class treats them like they’re her own. We chose that daycare because 1- it was affordable, but 2- and most importantly, their teacher seemed and has proven to be caring, patient, and knows a hell of a lot more than I do about kids. I’m damn sure she will teach them things that I wouldn’t even think to do. So, hats off to “Ms. More,” as they call her and to the other teachers out there. I don’t know how you do it, and you’re worth more than the peanuts you get paid.
I really am (was) a bitch
I consider myself to be somewhat self-aware that I’m a bitch; maybe not as bad as I was before kids, but looking back, I wonder how I have friends!? However, since the imps of misery have arrived, I find myself attempting to be more patient, kind and most importantly empathetic towards strangers and friends (Brandon may disagree with the patience part, at least towards him). It sure has helped answering the phone at work…that person is someone’s kid “BE NICE BECAUSE SOMEONE BETTER BE NICE TO MY GIRLS!” Things that used to bother me may still bother me, but not to the extent that it once did. I really don’t care if a friend didn’t make time to stop by to see the girls when they’re visiting from out-of-state with their family…BE WITH YOUR FAMILY BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I WOULD DO! We’ll catch up later. Believe me, I didn’t sit around the house waiting for you to call, I had a few other things to keep me occupied, and probably, at one point, forgot you were 20 minutes from my house. I still love you though and no feelings were hurt.
I don’t give two shits about work now…well I do, but not as much as I did before. I was addicted to my job before kids. I would show up an hour to 45 minutes early just because and never take vacation. I think I maxed out on vacation hours a while back. I was raised to go to work regardless if you were sick, tired, etc. I had to call in sick in 2012 because I had to get my appendix taken out, and it pissed me off I missed three days. But vacation days were for vacation…not because you didn’t want to go to work, these things were planned and you knew in advance when, where and how many days you’ll be gone—doesn’t everyone function that way? Fast forward to now…I’m quick to take a vacation to sleep or to sit in silence. I worry about work when I’m at work. It takes all of two point two seconds for that worry to disappear once you see a two teeth grin! Although my thoughts about work have changed, I want the girls to see that women CAN be anything they want to be, but they have to work hard at everything they do no matter how big or small the job. I believe it’s very much still a man’s world (depending on your location), but you can earn that respect with hard work. Girl power!
A story a while back about a 2 year old at Disney World being killed by an alligator tore my nerves up! I guarantee you I wouldn’t have thought twice about this story before kids, besides saying “god that’s horrible!” The empathy I have felt for these parents to witness this horrific tragedy and not have the opportunity to say goodbye, I love you, and not be able to save him will lead anyone into a black hole. You can only pray that they don’t blame themselves and that their baby didn’t suffer too long. Rather than judging them, I feel sorry for them. To even think about not seeing my girls grow up and enjoying life, adds more gray hair to my head.
Don’t be a S**thead and as Ellen says, “Be kind to one another”
I read a Facebook article a few months ago about how a mother wrote a message to her kids that if she died before she could teach them this, don’t be a s**thead. Very funny, but a great read and something I hope we teach the girls. I worry about the world they will grow up in and how people treat each other. People are MEAN. I don’t mean just the bullying (btw I hate that term, learn to deal with it and use it as fuel…see, not all the bitch has left me), but the genuine respect people have for one another regardless of their views is disheartening. I pray our girls will treat everyone with the same respect and realize that if you’re the top dog, that housekeeper over there still cleans a toilet better than you ever could; or your friend may live a lifestyle you may not agree with, but they’re still a good person, be kind—you’re not the one they’ll answer to in the end and I’m sure you sin, just in a different way. I believe the best way besides parenting is to instill a belief in something higher. I’m beyond guilty of not going to church with our girls…I’m a hermit with them. But I know one of the best ways I was taught to treat people, outside of my parents, was through youth groups and volunteering. I think religion, regardless of your beliefs, and not the radical kind, offers hope and teaches compassion towards others. Kindness goes a long way. I hope Brandon and I set the example of being thankful, respectful and kind before the world gets a hold of them.
I’ve come to appreciate my family a hell of a lot more than ever before. My husband is awesome! Don’t you hate seeing Facebook posts about that? Gag a maggot! For real, I don’t know how single moms function in life (I have new respect for them too). I never tell Brandon enough how much I love him, how much I appreciate all he does for us and how cute he is with the girls (see I’m a bitch). We are beyond lucky to have a husband and a daddy who love us the way he does and does the things he does. He puts up with my mood swings and hatefulness better than anyone I know…Honestly don’t know why he loves me some days ☺ Although he’s our own “Danny Tanner” I couldn’t have asked for a better partner in life. I love the gals, but I look forward to “our time” after they go to bed even more these days.
You have a new appreciation for your parents…especially if your mom did a lot of the early years practically on her own. I gained a new respect for how hard that was for them and them not wanting you to have to experience the same thing. You also realize the sacrifices that they made to make sure you had a better life than them…taking vacations to attend your games or awards ceremonies, etc. I’ve always been thankful for my parents for teaching me the value of hard work, but I think parenting will probably be the hardest “work” I will ever do without ever feeling like I’ve got it figured out.
Lastly, the best thing about our parents is watching them as grandparents. I knew grandparents loved their grandchildren, but I really see it with our parents. They WANT to watch the girls, they don’t get aggravated with their crying (if they do, they sure hide it well), and they genuinely would give you and them the shirt off their back if you needed it. You see their love for your children in a different way, but realize their love for you was just as strong–you just never saw it the way you see it now. I’ve never wanted more for both sets of our parents to be able to live forever, not just for our sake, but to be a vital part of the girls’ lives. I want them to know them, to look forward to spending the weekend with them because they make the best chicken and rice, field peas, salad, or fried fish, I want them to get excited to see them at their games or events. Yeah they’ll be spoiled, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
So to all the people who I’ve offended over the years because I was a s**thead, I apologize. Maybe I should’ve had those little imps earlier in life, but everything in life has its timing, and for me it seems to be right on time.